I'm 24 years old. Actually, 24.5 exactly yesterday. Kind of neat, but at the same time, who really cares? Once you pass that ridge of sex, drugs, and alcohol, life calms down quite a bit and you start putting things in perspective. Don't get me wrong, I love a strong drink and some rowdy love-making (drugs aren't an option due to career choice), but I've gotten to a point in life where things begin to slow down, and I'm realizing: maybe all that sprinting out of the gate hasn't really gotten me where I want to be. I'm still in a terrible, confusing, messy break-up/make-up relationship with my ex. I'm working a full-time job I'm well over-qualified for, but it gives me free tuition towards a master's degree that I hope will spring me from this ditch of a city. I can't get a job in the industry I went to school for because of inexperience (how does that catch-22 even work in real life?). I'm stuck in a city of tourists and rednecks who are all in the party and club scene, and yet, they don't welcome strangers or adventure out into any social situations of substance (going to dinner, meeting friends of friends, engaging in conversation that may lead to a phone call or later conversations). It's a dog eat dog world out there, but where do the ones cleaning up the aftermath fit into the equation? I'm not writing this for therapy or to show off to my friends or to help someone out there. I'm doing it to document and organize my life. I was going to attempt a book or memoir, but at an age younger than retirement (let alone under 25), that'd be a little smug. Here's the rub:
I came here 7 years ago for college, made a billion friends, moved off for me dream job, was laid-off due to the recession, got into some hard times during relocation, moved back for a full-time job at my college that would give me free tuition so I could defer my ginormous loan repayments, and that's where I've been for the past two years exactly. Dating has been pretty ridiculous with sharing a phone plan and a dog with my ex-girlfriend of a 4 year relationship. Friends are pretty much all removed. Everyone is relocated or I relocated from them and the people I like to meet and hang out with are either placating me, or don't congregate in any one place that makes it easy to meet them. But thats dating for everyone, isn't it? I feel like a sane, stable relationship would solve all my problems, but it's absolutely impossible to meet worthwhile people in the vicinity. The ex and I are a whole story in ourselves and unfortunately it continues. I'd like to play the ultra-villain and tell her we'll never get back together, or tell her the truth about how even if we did, it would ever lead to the marriage she wants without some dramatic changes that will never happen. The funny thing is, maybe it would take something like me completely ending things and breaking her heart completely for her to finally relax more about things, become more extroverted, and be happy for what she has rather than complain about what she lacks. I feel like she will be a large part of this blog, but for now, it will begin with me.
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